and next time when you feel me up, do it right
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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