Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
