why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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