I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
