I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
