You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize