he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
