can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Oh god it's open bar.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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