hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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