I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
