i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
