At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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