in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
