I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
