We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
