I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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