It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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