Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
