I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
