I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize