Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
