Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
