we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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