His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
