His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
