you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize