I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
