It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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