There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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