i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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