I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
