wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
