I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
