It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
