I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
