he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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