I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
