Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
