new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Randomize
