Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I believe in your delicious
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