Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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