the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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