im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
