shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
