The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
