the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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