I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
