honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
