I cannot find my penis.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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