he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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