Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
