i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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