Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
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