So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize
