it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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