Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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