i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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