i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
