I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
