I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
