I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
