I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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