what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
