I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Randomize
