Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
