where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
