there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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